I feel like there are tiny ants crawling through my sinus in winter socks.
And I am so warm and cold all at the same time.
Nathon had to do the rent today because I was all sick.
If I feel less like scratching out my sinus later I might write somethig intelligent.... maybe.

We have to go to my brothers tomorrow for baby viewing purposes. And I wanted to have something nice to wear. I tell you now, dressing room mirrors are evil. But in a sense, good as well becuase I think I have finally shocked myself into action. I thought I was getting better weight wise, but if the mirror wasn't lying, then I am very very fat and ugly. So I am starting exercise today. Enough of being scared to go outside for fear of being yelled at again or stared at... I just have to start becuase I can't live like this. I used to be so happy, so confident. I used to like my body. I used to go out shopping with no shoes and never worry about what people thought, I just enjoyed being out... Now I just want to close in on myself and hide whenever I'm out in public.
I would have gone some other places for clothes or even got desperatly needed petrol, but I was so ashamed of myself, I came straight home to cry.
This has to end.

I got a wonderful book out of the library called 'The Man Who Shot Garbo'. It has so many amazing photos of well, Greta Garbor, obviously, lol and Grace Kelly, Katherine Hepburn, Fred Astair etc. I love drawing from black and white photos because they have the best contrast and shadow, which is awesome. These are two very dodgy photos of two of my drawings of photos of Greta Garbo and Grace Kelly. Not to sound awful, but they looks sooo much better in person. lol The copyright of the images I drew from are to C.S. Bull. Just so you know.....

Ok, so I avoided the whole Emmy busness like the plague tonight, becasue not only is it boring but it is so obviously try-hard funny that I can't bear it. But I did catch the news, where some prick decided to insinuate that America Ferrera (Ugly Betty) was living her 'ugly' role outside the show because of how she looked at the awards. Quite frankly, I think she looks gorgeous. She has full, sexy, beautiful figure; an amazingly warm and sincere smile especially for Hollywood material; and she is genuinely sweet and beautiful on the inside too. Sure, she's not the stick insect that Vanessa Williams or Katherine Heigle are... which I think is a bonus. The dress copped a lot of flack, but I think it was very complinentary and suited her. Its not easy to find perfectly fitting clothes when you're not a size 10, but she looked lovely. I am just sick of hearing she's ugly because she has a real figure rather than a few bones in a $2000 dress.
Go her, for getting out there and living her dream, because she is talented and beautiful and shouldn't let stupid, shallow people ruin her life. Like I have.

I had this weird tag 'put me in a headlock'.
I did a blog about it months ago maybe.
And now its gone....
Poof.
How?????
I didn't delete it.
Curiouser and curiouser.....

Well, apart from locking myself out of the house for 5 hours like a moron and both of us getting very bad gastroenteritis, nothing much has happened here. Being sick, we missed my nephew's christening, which was bad. I haven't seen him yet, and apparently this is bugging some people. BUt if they really cared that much about me seeing him, they should have invited us over or come over when I invited them all those times... Grrrrr. I invited them to come down (we live only an hour apart), but she said no because bub couldn't travel that far. So she'd let me know when we could come to them. Months later and no word on that, but apparently she comes here all the time with her mum... Grumble grumble... It's their fault as much as mine, but I'm getting all the flack. And I'm supposed to drop everyhting to see thier baby, but they haven't bothered to come see our house even though I invited them for ages before they had the baby, and they didn't even send me a birthday card for my 21st. They didn't even spend more time with me after the phone call thing... They live an hour away when I was on college and didn't call or text or vist or anything except when they wanted something... And she didn't tell my brother that I'd sent them a letter either, for like weeks. Its all hypocritical bullshit if they are mad at me.
Anyway....
Some dick on the net told me that if I'd spent 4 years writing my novel, then it was obviously crap and I should give it up. Like he did. Yes, its been 4 years, but I was doing my final year and exams for high school when I started the book and then I went to uni. I don't have time to write 24/7 and have their mom keep them like some people (i.e. him). He was such an arrogant know it all. And I don't see why I have to finish in a certain time anyway... its about writing and having fun, and telling a story you want to tell, not pushing out tons of crap just to do it fast (i.e. like him).I enjoy my book. I'm in the middle of editing it in fact. Its fun and will be something some day... And no jumped up, haiku writing ponce will make it otherwise.

Now that I have ranted myself empty, I'm going to talk about nice things.

I made a really yummy cake for my Nathon...
We're working our way through season 2 of Dead Like Me.
My root canaled tooth is doing really great. But the crown will cost a mint.
I am bored and lonely and Friday is taking forever to end. I never used to be a bored person (only boring people get bored, for sure)... but now I have Nathon, time without him just isn't the same as when I didn't know him and had a bunch of free time... its very empty.

Ok, I'm off.
Thanks for listening.

Well, they aren't, and someone should really break the news to Ducky before she leads a generation into unfulfilling dental dam fetishes (read Sex With The Lights On, this will all make sense and it'll be fun too).
I had my first root canal appointment today. It hurt somewhat, but mostly it was the needles and holding my mouth open so long lol. The anesthetic didn't work so well today, meaning I could feel some of it, but my dentist took the whole problem personally, as though ineffective anesthetic was a personal affront; and he gave me a ton more anesthetic and apologised a million times eevry time it happened... very sweet man. Keeps pitcures of his family in the room, so nice.
So the numbness is wearing off now and I'm not liking it because things are starting to hurt, but its not too bad so far.
Nathon gave me a rose before my appointment because I was scared. It was so lovely. Everyday he makes me remember how wonderful he is.
Anyway, I'm going to go take some Nurophen and have a nap.
Hope you all had a great weekend