Well, the silly season is over, leaving us all a lot broke and just a little heavier...lol I hope you all had a lovley Christmas and New Year. And I hope that you're all past the guilt of not actually living up to any of your new year's resolutions. But, on the other hand, if you have held tight to your resolutions, go you! I just suck at it... 
Chirstmas was the nicest ever, being that my man was there. We all had too many presents, and Mum loved the mobile phone, but she will love it better once I get off my ass and activate the god damned SIM card for her. Nathon(Formerly 'Armyguy'.I decided that calling the man I'm going to marry by an alis is dumb. His name is Nathon. Yes, spelled just like that... I'm not illiterate... much lol).Bought me WAY too much stuff. My favourites were the purfume and amazing pencils, but he even bought a hammock! Which scares me a lot. I am constantly worried that the hammock stand will break and we'll die... lol My brother and Stacy came down  a few days after Christmas to see mum and I, and to meet Nathon for the first time. They thought he was really great, which he is, but I must say I am relieved lol (mum says Trev will not worry about me so much knowing I am well looked after lol). Nathon played his guitar and Trev thought he was pretty good. He even played the song he wrote for me. Stacy sad to him he should write a song for me... being that 80% of all Nathon's songs are about me, I think he's covered that. lol It was a pretty good time, but we were glad to get home. Dad was pissing both of us off quite a lot, playing his happy family routine only when Trev turned up, and generally being an ass. Stacy and I had a good chat. I can tell her things I can't tell mum, ever. Stacy is due to give birth in March and it is very exciting. But also very sad for Nathon and I because Frankie was due tomorrow. The 19th of January 2007. Hearing her talk about cravings, ultrasounds and stuff was very very hard. I picked out a towel with a happy hippo on it ('happy hippo' being a special joke between Nathon and I) and a singlet with a giraffe on it for Stacy's baby from mum and I for Christmas. That was really hard. Nathon and I had a big talk about Frankie a few nights ago which helped me, because I had been very moody in the days leading up to Frankie's birthday: grieving for my baby. We both miss him so much. It is the hardest thing I think we will ever go through. He could have been with us tomorrow, beautiful and healthy and ours. But if he was, it would make life almost impossible. Nathon has to pay the phone bills and the phone bill all by himself because I don't have the money. Our bills are all overdue, grocery shopping is expensive with just two mouths, my parents paid my registration on my car. I go back to uni in a few months. If we had a baby now everything would fall apart. Not just monetarily, but with our families, and maybe even our relationship: because a baby is a big strain on any couple but as young as we are and as only partially bonded as we were when we fell pregnant, we're not sure that it would have worked. And a baby deserves to have a comfortable home life with everything it needs, including non-angry grandparents and financially sound parents. But most days I just before I had the termination, I just wanted to say to hell with everything else, I want my baby. I wanted to run away and have my baby where no-one would yell or be angry. Just hold my baby tight to me and forget I'm only twenty and unmarried and unemployed. These days I would give anything to have my baby back, but I can't, and my head knows that it was for the best, but my heart doesn't agree. It is so hard to have to realise that you killed your own baby, and that while you will have children later on in life, your first baby will never be again. 
By the way, I want to recommend that y'all read a book called 'Don't Tell Mummy' by Toni Maguire. It is the saddest book I have ever read in my life and it is completely non-fiction. Ms Maguire suffered a life of horrible betrayal, a father who cruelly molested her from the age of seven and a mother who not only turned a blind eye but basically aided her husband and sold-out her daughter in the worst possible ways. Ms Maguire is an unbelievably amazing woman who is not only a true survivor but an expressive and emotive writer. Even if its not your normal type of book, I urge you to read it because it will open up your eyes and your heart in a very unique way. 
Sorry. Enough of depressing hour. 
Nathon and I went to an awesome forrest cabin place for new years that was absolutly amazing. The cabin was nestled amongst beautiful trees and it was built almost entirely of cypress pine which I LOVE. There was a spa, and a deck that looked out into a tree filled gully. It was a wonderful time and Nathon even cooked the who time because he enjoys it and I finally let go of my strangle hold on the kitchen... lol. We had a really great time, hanging out, watching movies, spa-ing, making love and ignoring the world. It was a shock to the system when Nathon went back to work the same day we got home... Bah. But we're getting back into the swing of it now, and I am not crying so much... lol Yesterday I made eclaires, which came out surprisingly great!!!! I tought I'd have a flop on my hands 'cause mum has never been able to make them. But obviously I rock. lol
Well, I better go, the library is open pretty late considering, but I want time  to look around a bit. 
Enjoy your new year, remember that it is a new start and that while things may get hard, nothing lasts forever and you are strong enough to get through it. 
Big bags of sugar coated lollies from
*Burn