I swear that this idea is mine... or at least the idea to pinch the idea was mine... Hmmm.... Anyway, what follows is a Q and A with one of the most boring and uninteresting people I know: myself. Why interview yourself? I hear you ask (didn't take my pills tonight, did I? Bugger...). Well, the answer is simple, my dear yet usually drug-supressed imaginary audience: For a deeper knowledge of myself. Plus, I'm bored waiting for my man to get home and since I've done the dishes and pre-cooked the dinner already I have to find something to do. So, here is and interview with myself: I have omitted the pleasentaries between myself and myself because we were both rather ass-kissy and boring and no-one really cares how we are anyway but us. Ok, confused and frightened? Don't worry, thats normal. Imagine how I feel... I will attempt to get Armyguy to do an interview too, but since he took out that last restraining order and got the trigger-happy bodyguard, its been difficult getting in touch with him. (The author would at this point like to point out that she is being a noob, and that she is in reality not a highly medicated stalker. Thank you..)

I know it's gratuitous, but I can't help it: I HAVE OVER A THOUSAND PAGE VIEWS!!!! 1033 to be tediously exact and I am going to gloat for a few seconds... Ok, I'm done. I know lotsa folk will have far greater numbers than me but I am excited because 1033 times someone felt inclined to read about my pathetic little life. On behalf of my ego and myself I would like to thank everyone who has ever checked out my blog. It is very much appreciated. Non-parental validation of my existance and all that... lol  Anyway, happy pageviews to me!!!!

Well, although I wanted time off from uni, I'll be going back anyway. Externally, which is cool, but still, its work again... Mum is happy, if a little worried I'll melt down and jump off something high. I'll be ok. So long as I am not working at the place anymore... Imminent electric shock was not in my job description...
 
Oh yeah, for the last eternity Meg's MSN message has read: Life's so dramatic isn't it; life a movie and we're all stars. (insert hacking and gagging here) Yeah right... if life is a movie then were is my Ferrari? If  the movies were like life, no-one would go. Especially if it was based on her life... there's only so much interest and intrigue one can squeeze out of a girl living with her parents and a demanding cat, working at K-Mart and buying expensive jeans in which to prostitute her inebriated self in. Life is not a movie. There is no script, no second or twenty second take,  no personal make-up artist and there is seldom a happy ending. The best you can do is do the best you can, and if you screw up then just pray for reincarnation like your life depended on it....  

Well, I'm making spaghetti for my boy tonight and I might as well get started on that even if he wont be home till 12 or 1 am. At least it will be ready when he gets here.

So, until next time remember:
"The Constitution only gives people the right to pursue happiness. You have to catch it yourself." Benjimin Franklin
 

P.S. I had a really colourful and funky set of coloured words, and smilies, but it fucked up so I gave in... no colour for you!!!! Maybe next time.....

For Frankie

Would you have had

Your daddy’s eyes

Your mommy’s smile

A birthmark shaped

Remarkably

Like a foreign country

I’ll never see

Would you have been good at sport

Short, tall

A ladies man

Have artist’s hands

Live to be 100

Hate the color pink

Or do you think

You would have been

Your daddy’s little girl

All lace and pretty bows

I would have liked to meet you

To have a chance

To teach you

How to tie your shoe

Or read you Dr. Seuss

By nightlight in your room

Where would you have taken

Your first steps in this world

I wish I could have heard

The patter of your feet

Or your first word

All your promise

Wiped away

What I wouldn’t give to say

I love you

Just one time

To hold you, call you mine

Dry your tears

Kiss a knee

Some naughty tree had skinned

Or cry

On your first day of school

To admire who you’d be

You would have been my angel

Your daddy’s bestest friend

It was all my fault

And in the end

I wish sometimes I’d died with you.

This blog will not be nice. It will be short and to the point.

Sincerely,
Sugarburn

Yes, its true....I am worth $350. Or, to be completely honest, up to $4000. Because the ring Armyguy is having made for me costs $350. Its white gold, for Christ's sake!!!!!!!!!!! Thank god, he's held to having Cubic-whatsit (the fake diamonds....lol) in it or he'd send himself poor. But if getting this one made had been impossible, he was going to buy me the $4000 one I loved at Wallace Bishop!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Silly romantic idiot. Especially since he held to the idea even after the sale ended and my ring went up to $6000. I almost fainted in the street when he told me he wanted to get me the $350 hand-crafted one. Its the most amazing thing anyone has ever done for me. I don't need the ring, but I do want it, and he's willing to get it for me no matter what. I'd be happy if we got something cheaper (ok... I'd cry a little, but that's because even though I play like I'm all stoic and manly about stuff, the truth is I am a big girl when it comes to the lovey dovey stuff and this is the ring I've dreamed of since forever), but Armyguy saw through the charade, calmed my paniced gasping, told me it was ok to really really want something for once in my life,  and explained how he wanted to give me what I wanted so I'd know he loved me and so would everyone else. Corny, yes..... And unbelieveably awesome. 
I finished paying off Armyguy's ring the other day and got a quote for  having it engraved. hehehehehehe... What I want to say is corny and sappy and I even use a word which I never believed in before I knew him (loved him) which is big deal. His ring is steel and onyx and is really very cool. I keep going and looking at it all the time. lol

So, in this blogs fine tradition, I am giving you a list..... if sappyness bothers you, please save yourself now!!
                                                      
Tonight it is the "Unbelievably Long,  Sappy,  Girlish, Mushy and Peanut Flavoured List Of Why Armyguy is Perfect and I Love Him" (can't say I didn't warn you....)  brought to you tonight by Amigo's Bar and Grill, The University of  Life,  and The Electronics Mega Store (all registered trademarks). 

1. He is the sweetest man I have ever met. He thinks maybe I am like some girls who like it when men are mean to them and get sick of him being so nice all the time. I've had mean all my life,  I hate it,  and having someone so wonderful is the most amazing thing.
   
2. He is cute, good looking and sexy without being up himself. He has the most incredable eyes, the cutest smile, beautiful hair,  the best and strongest arms ever,  lovely skin, sexy sideburns, soft lips,  and great hands. Ahem.... sorry. Moving right along.....
3. He  always wipes my tears away when I cry.  My mum used to do that when I was very little and it always comforts me when he does it.
4. He  looks after me all the time,  any way  that he can. From keeping me safe in traffic to wrapping my wrists in tissues when I do something stupid. From getting me salt when we get McDonalds to  getting me toast and tea in bed every morning when I was pregnant.
   
5. He  is going to stand up for me with his dad. My dad never did this kind of thing ever: not when I was being bullied by his family, not even when his brother was being creepy-touchy-feely. It means the world to me that Armyguy will do that for me. 
6. He is the gentlest, most caring, not to mention the most 'talented'  man to ever touch my body. I never knew it could be like this. He calls me his Princess (or his barefoot princess... yeah, I hate shoes lol) and he always treats me accordingly.
   
7. He likes my cooking. May seem trivial, but it means a lot to me. I like trying to look after him when I can do it, and cooking is one of those things I can do for him. Feminists may shudder, but I like to cook for my man.
   
8. I never get sick of him. I could spend a week locked in a room with him and nothing else and I'd be perfectly happy (maybe hungry and pregnant, but definately happy hehehe). This has never happened before. I get sick of everyone. I am a suspicious, angry, anti-social, hermit people-hater from way back. People need space from their partners because they need time to be themselves. Being with him is my time to be myself.
   
9. He calles me sweet little names all the time. Honey and  sweetie, sweetheart and darling, baby and 'his firefly', his princess and a billion other things.
   
10. He holds me when I sleep. Nothing on this earth feels safer than his arms, his breath on the back of my neck, his warmth against my body. Nothing can ever harm me again as long as he's with me.
11. He loves me just how I am, and believes I'm perfect. Which has never happened before to me (with parents or men) and is a good thing since I feel exactly the same thing about him.
12. He forgives me for all the dumb, mean, stupid and insecure things I do, even when I know he shouldn't.
    
13. He is jealous. I love that. And I am jealous too, but I know in my heart that he would never cheat on me (wow... was that me? yep... well, here's to trust and love, I've got them both really bad).
14. He listens to me. No matter if I'm bitching about work or asking  a silly insecure question, maybe talking about Buffy or  whinging about people I hate. He listens to me no mater what, and never critisises me or dismisses my fears. He is incredably understanding in every way possible.
15. We like the same things: artery clogging food, action movies, solitude, caramel, sex, each other, and a million and one other little things that we have in common that blow me away every time we discover them.

Until next time, remember:
It is impossible to go through life without trust: That is to be imprisoned in the worst cell of all, oneself.
Graham Greene
Love and all that jazz,
*Burn

P.S. Too tired to colour and add smily things.... sorry.
   

I have finally moved out of my shit-hole college forever!! They kept me there with a flimsy contract, but today I cleaned myself out of there in an hour and a half, and was GOOOOOOOOOOOOONE!!!!!!!!!! For good! I wanted to go my Tom's door and tell him he sucks dirty cockroach toes, but I was running late for work, wanted to get out of there, and just left. No-one got a goodbye except Katrina., my old roomy. No-one else in that places deserves one. Saw Bull and wanted to beat him with my desk chair, but hey, we all want what we cant have.... I settled for being rude. Less liftling and swinging of heavy objects involved. I've been living with Armyguy for ages, so today it was mostly just moping up from my courtesy of keeping half my things at that hole until end of term. So hoo rah for me, I am free.... sort of . I have a $1005 debt to the sodding place. But hey, once I pay it off, I can tell Mr Financial Asswipe where he can stick his Centerlink forms and his quirky magnetic desk ornament. And that will feel GREAT.

So, this is my second week at work, and no only am I not fired, but I am a trainee cook. How this happened, I have no idea.  It must be one of my boss' odd ideas... Bless the strange annoying woman who plays with her boobs during service.... So, instead of writing a long bunch of paragraths about work, I will boil it down to 'My Amazingly Tasty Boiled List of 3 With Green Stuff' where I will give the top three of each category about work. Here goes:

Catastrophies:
-1. I flooded  the kitchen and some of dining..... ooops.
-2. I dropped a quesadilla. Not really a catastrophy, but I felt bad anyway.
-3. On my day off, I missed a call from work to come in. They found someone to do it  by the time I called them back, but I still felt bad.

Favourite work-mates:
-1. My duty manager Sarah. She and I get along like a house on fire filled wioth kerosene. SHe is groovy. Which is why I help her do her stuff after I have signed off.
-2. Raven. She is teaching me entree and she let me drive her home one time. We can have a laugh and I think she's cool with me, so sigh of relief. Plus she is an awesome person, with a cool lip stud.
-3. Lisa. She is very sweet to me, and last night she helped my wash dishes because her boyfriend Aaron had made me do his prep work all night and I was deathly behind. She is cool.

Most Un-Favourite, Unpleasent Workmates:
-1. Jess multiplied by a billion. She is a bossy, snotty annoying bitch, who needs less boobs and more  personality. Here is a transcrip of last nights fun conversation with her at about 11pm, after a bad night right after she snubbed my after I smiled at her:
Jess: Did you take the bar bins out?
Me: I dunno
Jess looks at me like Princess Amadala with a rod up her ass.
Me: Well, are they still there?
Jess, in a snotty voice: Yes.
Me, in sarcastic, 'go stick your bins' voice: Well, I didn't take them yet did I?
-2. Amity. Eeeek.... someone needs to tell her, just once, with a back-hand across that ferretty face of her's, to shut to hell up. Plus she is bitchy and loud, bossy and sacarin, annoying and gossipy.
-3. Aaron. Not because he isn't nice, he's actually very nice to me. Its just that he makes me uncomfortable becuse its like talking to a mummified Jerry Seinfeld.

Most unpleasent tasks:
-1. Cleaning out the sink hole. Theres some nasty shit in there man.....
-2. Clean up at night. Its not that bad really, but for some reason I dread it.
-3. Prep work with the 'Robo Coupe'. A dumb machine that slices stuff... which you have to dissassemble and washed out every time you switch food stuffs... bah.

Most fun tasks:
-1. Crab gutting. Although it was gross, and was playing in guts and lungs and had to put my finger in weird crab places, its kinda fun.
-2. Making seafood chimi's. They smell bad, but I'm good at it.
-3. Helping Sarah carry glasses, because we get to chat.

Painful experiences:
-1. Slicing my finger on steel wool. Trust me, it can happen! It was stuck on a shelf, I pulled it, and slice! I was very stoic. Blood was running down my hand and my dishy compardre Tim goes 'Awe, does that hurt?' Ah, well duh. Yes Tim, it hurts!!! I am sliced through all the layers of my skin, seriously! Tim is nice and fun to talk to, but as bright as a black hole, for example: 'Is corriander just a fancy name for parsley?' and all he ever talks about is Nintendo Wee ... sigh.
-2. Banging my elbow on the 'Robo Coupe'. My whole arm went dead for about fifteen minutes. I couldn't even lift it.
-3. Burning my fingers every night I do entree while making Six Shooters(cheesy bread).

So, thats my work in a nut shell. Now, on to more interesting things.

My best friend has liver trouble!!! Eeeeek!! Elvis' doctor told him there are 'abnormalities' with some of his tests and it's his liver. So he is coming back here to stay on monday so he can get his results and chat to the doc.  I am worried for my poor lamb. But I will feed him lasagna and give him my shoulder. Thats all I can do.

I am making Armyguy a painting for his birthday.  It is a pic from an anime called 'Naruto' and I am reproducing it. Slowly. I rarely feel like painting when I get home from. I rarely feel like doing anything when I get home. Which is why we have not a single clean plate in this house right now. We'd both just rather fall into bed and bitch about work...mostly. I have a cool knife coming in from America for him too. And there is a surprise he is going to go bananas for.... Shhhh ....lol

I stole ice from work tonight.   I wanted to save my lonley $8 in my bank account because its all I've got till Monday. I usually get a Freezie(???? copyright on Slushy and Slurpie I suppose) on my home from work, but tonight I was all good and took some ice to make my coke at home cold. It is like the Everlasting, Neverending Ice of Doom.... I've had my bucket of ice home and out in the open for over two hours and its still not melting!!! Creepy.....

Well. That sums up my life right now, except to say that even though I am a nutjob, Armyguy loves me and I love him and I am deleriously happy when I'm not crying . Which leads me to wonder about the state of my mental health. Seriously. Buffy taught me that "Love makes you do the wacky", but this is ridiculous. I am having scary mood swings. From smiling and singing for no reason, to breaking down in tears or getting angry for barely any reason at all. I'm a little scared. It could just be something weirdly hormonal from my abortion. And if so I deserve it. But I am worried that I am coming unhinged.

So, I'm gonna go now... Nothing much else to say until I flood something else, or lose a finger to the 'Robo Coupe', at which point I'd be in no mood to type.

Until I see you again, remember not to bite down on your metal tounge stud. My dishy compardre Sarah did so the other day and broke a tooth. Dont do it... just dont.

Love and chicken quesadilla's on the floor from
*Burn

P.S. Yes, I love the new HTML editor.... I'm sorry... I'm usually adverse to change like Mt Everest. But this new thingy is awesome!!!!

So yes, my stripper song is definately 'Closer' by NIN. Or at least thats what Armyguy said later... lol Trust me, it does take courage do it, but it is so much fun... before, during and after the song ended.

Since this stupid quiz gave me so much fun, I'm giving you all the link to the quiz too!! This is just for Ian, so his stripper song can again out-cool his daughters as did his porn name: right-on dude!!!!

Love and giggles about being so very naughty,
*Burn

I'll let you know.....

Today I innocently signed into MSN to do MSNy stuff when that irrittating MSN pop-up about current events, well, popped up. I was bored, so I read a little about Kylie and her cancer. Then I saw that voting was going on... Now, we have Big Brother here too (the better to kill my brain cells with, god I hate this show), and recently two guys were evicted for sexually harrassing girl. They were laying together in bed, apparently, when one guy held her and the other 'turkey slapped' her. For those of you who are naive like me and have to be told what it means, this turkey business is when a guy slaps someone in the face with his penis. She didn't make any complaint to Big Brother or to the authorities.
Now... this is a pic of the voting screen:

What has this world fucking come to when that kind of unwanted sexual crap is thought of as ok as long as the girl didn't complain??? Just because she didn't formally complain to anyone doesn't mean a goddamn thing. I didn't formly complain about what Jay did. Doesnt mean I'd not love to keep his balls in a mason jar under the bed... Someone I love dearly was raped by her boss, and it scared her for life, but she didn't complain. 58% of all rapes go unreported. 58%. What have we become as a society when we make some of our most vulnerable members feel as though they cannot seek support, justice and understanding from us? Rapists have more protection than their vitictims do. We still live by arcaic social ideas, like 'She asked for it'. We still, as a society, persecute women for being sexually attacked, as though it is somehow their fault. Its not. Its ours. We spoil, poorly raise, neglect and abuse our children, or neglect to save a child we know needs rescuing from a horrendeous home life. That child grows up, does something 'evil' and we blame TvV for corrupting him or we balme the victim for provoking him. In truth, all that abused child wants is power, all that spoiled and poorply trained chiled is doing is whatever it wants because he thinks he can and no-one ever told him otherwise.
No woman, be she a 5 star fanciful lady with a Platinum credit card, a prostiute, a young employee, or a freaking Kung Foo master, deserves to have something like that done to her. And it should never, ever go unpunished. This incident was live streamed across the interent. You don't think thousands if not millions of boys and men saw that? If it is taken lightly by society and authority both, what message is that sending to those guys? That its ok to do whatever you like to a woman as long as she doesn't complain to anyone. Women deserve more, society deserves more, and as far as I'm concered, society is a festing pool of stupidity, selfiness and laziness. We have created a cess pool of twisted people and we dont understand why. I do. Its because we have failed to be good human beings, not only within ourselves, but to our children too.
And if we fail to be good human beings, nothing else that we do matters.

*Burn