While I'm here I'm getting my money's worth! They haven't kicked me out of the library yet!
So you are in for another list!! Mwahahaha...
First things first though: Thanks to Moondancer for calling me likeable insane and wanting to be my friend Thanks to Nathon84 for offering to help out with the monkey sex problem... Thanks to Ang for talking to Cespenar when he was blue...
Why does everyone over the age of twenty insist on having tea and breakfast BEFORE opening the presents? I spent nearly $200 dollars on people last year and probably will beat that this year and so if I have one more person pottering around the kitchen in prefference to opening their $40 dollar present then I am taking them back to the store and buying myself something nice. Like a CD, or a pretty shirt or a bowie knife... I love Christmas, but taking the mickey out of it is going to help me easy the tension from the stress that I get from mum who goes loopy during the festive season.

Ok... now for the list of:
The Worst Ever Things to Say on Christmas Day

1.
Let's have breakfast before we open the presents....

2.
Chocolate isn't acceptable for breakfast on Christmas morning. Actually, I didn't even buy you any...

3.
Hmm... thanks for this... I'm gonna go watch the 10:30 news.

4.
This is crap...

5.
I'm running off to Bora Bora with your sister... no, the skinny one.

6.
I'm not as think as you drunk I am. Now stop spinning and get me another brandy...

7.
Snoo

8.
The socio-economic ratio of the lower stem market perameters indicate... (pulled that out of my ear: please insert your own hated brand of boring, self-important intellectual drivel here)

9.
I bought it for you because I heard somewhere that everyone looks good in paisley...

10.
Isn't that your mother's car?

WISHING YOU A LOVELY CHRISTMAS AND EVERY GREAT LIST IN THE WORLD IN THE NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!

(I wanted to put a pic in here of penguin wishing you seasons greetings.. but google is a bitch and censored computers make me angry so no picture.. please use your imagination and invent your own well-wishing penguin!!!)

Hey all.
Well, its been an interesting week. I've started Christmas shopping(hooray! my favourite thing ever) which is draining my bank account faster than a can in a Solo ad. Sigh. Well, I like giving people things so it doesn't matter...
Mum is driving me nuts. Worse than nuts, Jeffery Dahmer, Ed Kemper 'cut off your head and bury it in the backyard' crazy. Ok, not that bad... but crazier than I am normally. There's the yelling about Armyguy calling me every second night(which apparently wouldn't be so bad if we didn't talk to 1am...), the yelling about me not getting a summer job(I've done stuff all year, for a few months can't I just do nothing? Plus, I'm going to Sydney to look after my nephews and that wouldn't have been possible if I was asking people for flybyes at Bi-Lo), me sleeping in mornings and a passel of other stuff that she trots out on me when she's pissed off with my dad...
On top of that, I hurt my best friend and I wasn't even anywhere near him. Blast and fuck it. Elvis has been through too much shit from me.
He is however now addicted to Gary Allen!! My very favourite country music singer; and it was my fault of course(insert evil giggle here). I was supposed to suppress this fact to protect his reputation, but I think its great and I'm telling everyone. I have burnt all my albums of Gary Allen for him and I'm making pretty CD covers for them all. I have converted my first person! My evil plan to start a country music cult is starting to take form!!!! Mwahahaha... cough. Anyway, it makes me happy that we can share a love of Gary Allen. I'm a big sap. So sue me.lol
Why do people keep buying me things for Christmas?!?!?!?!? My brother Trev, my sister Gail, Mum, Elvis, Armyguy... Next year I intend to be mean to everyone. That way no one will give a hoot in Hades about buying me stuff and I can rest in peace during the silly season without soul crushing guilt. Sigh. Then I would have no friends though... Cathch 22, dammit.
I'm going to Sydney two days after Christmas to look after my two nephews, Chaos and Mayhem. They are awesome and my very favourite nephews... mainly because they have never pushed me down stairs, stabbed me with pocket knives or threatened me with a shotgun like the rest of me nephews. It will be AWESOME!!! We get to hang out and go places and do fun stuff and I can cook dinner for Gail and the Dudes and it will be great because her dumb-ass partner guy wont be there. Woo hoo. He's ok, just a bit spineless. It will be great. Train ticket is expensive though, I have to pay $102 each way... Doesn't matter to me, but my folks are spitting on Country Link Rail like Jewish grandmothers on bacon. Gail and the Dudes are worth it to me.
I better go and write some e-mails while I still have time, or I will lose my English buddy Steve, and Megz will beat me about the head with the big eraser with which she has threatend to remove my name from her christmas card list. Sigh.
Big hugs to all my friends and others who are just cruising by! And until next time, remember: Women work less than men because we get it right the first time...lol
ENJOY THE SEASON TO BE JOLLY AND DECK THOSE HALLS!!!!
Sugarburn