Being that I am living the existance meant for a carrot somewhere in Bangladesh, I have nothing to tell you. Mum has a bad back, so I am doing all the cooking, which I do well.
Mum is pissing me off no end. She's said some cruel stuff, but mainly it was the other night when I was really upset about something a friend had been upset about on the phone. Mum wouldn't listen to me at all, even though it was very serious and I was crying. She just yelled at me that he should get over it and I should be more considerate than to talk to someone so late into the night. So I cried for an hour and half alone when all I really needed was a hug from my mum. She listened later the next day, but it was way to late.
Anyway, since I have nothing to say, I am going to write the:

The Incredibly Boring List Of What I Will Do When I Get Back To Civilisation

1.
Walk around my room in my blue dressing gown and nothing else and not be told I should lose weight before I do so...

2.
Use the word 'fuck' at every given opporunity. 'Fuck, the news is on', 'I wonder whats for fucking dinner?' any where I can slot it in. I am so sick of minding my language... dammit.lol

3.
Smoke. A lot. Like a chimney in London during winter. Get Elvis and Armyguy, something that can be even vaguely classified as whiskey, buy pizza and a packet of Peter Jackson. Mix carefully and sit in my garden until two am...

4.
Never watch even the news headlines. Dad watches four different news programs in a row each day. So no more news. Ever.

5.
Play Eminem, Blink 182 and The Offspring REALLY loudly with having my mother come down and shut up my room to keep the noise in...

6.
Comment on women's looks without my mother saying 'Your one of them are you?

7.
Go to town dressed in black. All black.

8.
Stop apologising for breathing.

9.
Buy Doc Martins and go around saying 'I am a souless entity'. Well, ok, I'll just buy the shoes.

10.
Have wild, passionate hot monkey sex. Or at least hire porn and watch other people having wild, passionate hot monkey sex. Ok, fine. I'll buy chocolate and watch the Die Hard movies on DVD. Happy? lol

Ok, well, now that thats out of my system, I better get going.
Biggest hugs and warmest wishes to all of you, and thanks to Buttonmoon for the inspirational Robbie Williams quote(love Robbie), and to Cespenar for his note of solidarity. Big hugs for you both.
And until we meet again, remember:
When a man comes to you on a flaming pie, and tells you that you will be a great musician, and tells you what to name your band; just roll with it. Worked for John Lennon...

Take care,
*Burn

No changes on the home front. Still boring, still have artist's block but writer's block is getting better. Thanks for the wishes of un-blockingness Ang! Big hugs!
As usual my mum and I are grating on eachother fairly often. But apart from the yelling when I mentioned going home to see my friends for a while in the holidays, we haven't had a serious barney yet. Heres hoping.
One of my internet friends sent me an e-mail that was quite judgmental the other day. I told him some of my problems, and he basically called me immature and unbalanced, and said he was going to 'distance' himself from me. I don't think it has that much to do with me, but more with me reminding him of an old girlfriend. Transference is a bitch. Anyway.
Christmas is closing in and I get to shop for pressies for people now, which is something I LOVE!
I wish I had something to say, and time to say it in, but this place is as boring as a wet sock... so all I can say is that it is three months and four days till I get to go home.
I will be posting soemthing in my Citrus blog soon, its just gonna be a long time coming...

Well, I have nothing to say anymore... Oh god. SOMEONE SAVE ME!!! lol Anyway, big hugs to all me blog friends,
Sugarburn
xox

Well, it looks like I have some more time... so I am going to write a 'What I Learnt At School This Year' blog, which in no ways is a rip off of Cespenar's idenical list of what he learnt at uni... I'm gonna get sued, aren't I? Sigh.

1.
Drinking an inch of Jim Beam straight will make you literally legless... Don't do it, even though you look macho and it impresses your two favourite guys.

2.
Sweet and sour sauce from McDonalds and 2 minute noodles sound like it would taste good. It doesn't.

3.
The word Hippocampus. But I can't frickin' tell you what it means.

4.
Never EVER die your hair in the nude... I don't want to talk about it.

5.
Tutors don't like it when you doodle peoples names and palm leafs during class. It gets you a 2/10 for participation. I reccommend singing 'Pop Goes The Weasle' in your head to pass the time. He'll never know...

6.
Gamers are scary. Although I love the whole culture and I think geeks are hot, there is no way that a 6 foot tall, thirty year old man wearing a Full Metal Alchemist shirt, playing WOW and yelling 'Die, you bitches, die' at a computer monitor is the picture of normality...

7.
Good friends are hard to come by. But when you do, its awesome. Having a designated hang-out spot is possibly the coolest thing ever... Oh, bugger, now I miss everyone again. Dammit.

8.
Nothing makes a Data Analysis exam go faster. Not even writing a poem on the desk, or watching the guy at the next desk play with himself... (and I am serious, he was...)

9.
The cheapest entertainment there is when you are broke is to either
a) go to the mall and listen to music in Big W on those huge
dodgy headphones
b) have a conversation in public with a friend where both of
you are using Irish accents.
c) sitting under a tree for four hours straight trying to pick
which passer by is a virgin and which ones aren't...
surprisingly tricky

and last but not least

10.
As much as you might bitch about all the work, or crave a day to yourself, when you actually finish uni and all your friends go home, you will be lost and bored and sad. Enjoy every moment and remember that you get to go home soon. Only another three months and nine days... oh god, make it stop!

Hello all!
Well, I am home again home again, jiggetty jig, and it is so very VERY boring...
I do get to paint and write a lot now, which is awesome. Mum and dad finally realized that it makes me happy, and that I'm good at it, and that possibly Psychology is NOT my first or even fifth great love... Which means they just want me to do uni now so I have a job with which to support my arty stuff. YAH! But on the flip side I am having painter's block now, like I'm scared that now I have expectations on my art, my art says 'Oh jeez, too much pressure', and goes out for a Becks and a lie down... sigh.
Armyguy calls me a fair bit, which in turn delights me and irkes my mum. lol Especially with all the laughing at 1am...
This is going to have to be a short blog, as I am using the internet at the library, and my time is nearly up.
But thanks to angel and hobbit for their messages of helpful advice and support. It means the world to me. Thanks and hugs.
Until I can get back to the internet next time, remember:
When people critisize you, just remember that Billy Joel wants you just the way you are. So screw everyone else. lol
Love and candy kisses wrapped in paper,
Sugar
xox

How the hell can one person drink 90% of a bottle of Jim Beam, and a fair share of that was straight(I swear to god, it doesn't burn that bad...), and wake up with no hangover what so ever? Hmmm... what did I do to make Buddha like me? I had fun last night, smoking and pretending to be Irish very loudly at 1am.

It took my mind off how complicated things are becoming in my life these days. My mother thinks its funny, but I do not... There was this guy I know from uni who told me the other day that he really likes me and we had a whole weird thing and it ended in crying. My mum laughed and told me he was playing me to get sex. Sure, that's happened to me before, but I hate her for believing strongly that guys only say they like me, don't mean it at all, possibly because I'm not as thin as my mother would hope. The other day I told my mum how I diet. I eat one meal a day and no snakcs if I can help it. What would you mum say should you tell her that? 'Honey, NO! I'd rather you be healthy, than starve yourself, you're beautiful the way you are!' Lucky you:D. Mine said 'Poor you. But keep it up, and you'll be gorgeous.' Why is it impossible for my mum to believe that I am a beguiling and beautiful creature who is irrisistable to the opposite sex? Or at least that I'm alright looking and mildly interesting? I'd settle for that...

I have started packing to go home. I started last night whilst on my second go-round of Jimmy and coke. The sad part is that I pack better when I'm drunk than when I'm sober.... Weirdness.

I'm getting really tight shoulder muscles. Probably from stress. And they are sore as hell.You don't need to know that, but I have to bitch to someone.lol

I am going to the counsellor tomorrow. Best to talk about this stuff, I guess. But that didn't help last time, save to make me think that
counsellors are full of shit... Yes! Solve you're tendancy for self harm by drawing on yourself with a red pen! WHAT THE FUCK? Oh well. At least it'll be good to get all the stuff out, wheither my counsellor is a fuckwit or not...

Well, I better get on with it. I am bleaching a shirt in an attempt to get it white again, not a strange off-brown colour... Hmmm.

Well, hi to everyone out there! Have a great time of your life, you truly deserve it!
Thanks to Hotwire, Ang and Angel for their helpful advice before. They know what I mean. Love you all.
Hugs and bunnies!!
Sugarburn

Hullo all!
Well, exams are nearly over now, thank merciful buddha! This week I have discovered that
- I suck at bowling
- That it is a lot of fun to be able to say 'He was better live..'
- That drinking Jim Beam and Jack Daniels at 2 in the afternoon fucks you over
and
- That being weird is great when you have people to do it with...

I am having a pretty great week. Hanging with my friends and having a bunch of fun. But for some reason I am still some form of mildly depressed. And I hurt Elvis with this oddness, got so upset about doing that that I punched a brick wall repeatedly(hurts, but no bruising) and took a little trip back to 'self harm' again with my survival knife. Please don't think I am crazy!!! I'm not. Just tired, scared, confused, sad and confused. Other than that I am uber-great!!! I swear. I have great friends and a pass in Asia and the Pacific and English lit, a strange sense of humour and a milkshake. Life is great and so am I. I swear!

Elvis, our friend Armyguy(his own creation) and I are going out on Monday night. Hooray. Even if we don't go anywhere we will be getting very very drunk. Which will be great, since I have been wishing for alcohol since tuesday... so sad. My only problem is that when I get drunk, I always call or text Elvis. But he'll be there... which means I will have to find someone else. Humph. lol I am really looking forward to this night out actually... It should be fun. Can't decide on vodka or Jack Daniels though... It will of course come down to price. As it always does for uni students. hehe

I am listening to Gary Allen on the internet cafe computer while I write this. His new song 'Life Aint Always Beautiful' is making me cry. Dammit. That is three or four times today. I am such a girl...
Talking to Armyguy at the same time on the firefly chat site. Which is fun. He is a pretty cool. I have a couple of very interesting and special friends in Elvis and Armyguy. I am pretty damn lucky. They are both worried about me with my sadness...

Well, I am gonna get kicked off the interent here soon so I'll see you all 'round, and until then remember
You have your reasons, I have my own. Mine are just better....
Love always,
Sugarburn

Hello!!!!
I am here, once again, back from a voyage into the mystical depths of Brisbane!! Ok, so there wasn't mystical depth, but it was awesome none the less, and since I have never been there before it was very exciting!!! Elvis took me and it was incredibly cool... We first went to his home town and stayed with his folks. I was on the business side of terrorifed but they are really very very nice and they didn't seem to hate me so all is well. Elvis took me to this cool town with a shit load of weird shops and I bought heaps of silly, semi hippie, weirdo stuff and a present for my dad (it was his birthday on friday and my mum's birthday on saturday), it was excellent and I want to live there now... Anyway, we went to Brisbane the next day and we went all over Brisbane, to China town(I bought a lantern!!!) and this awesomely huge mall. We took a ferry! Ok, bear with me, I am excited because I am a big kid and all this was new and fun! Then we met up with Elvis' two best friends, Benson and Hedges (names changed for the sake of annonymity and hilarity...). Benson is a second year apprentice chef who reminds me of an old friend, and Hedges is an actor cum sales man who is so very adorable and nice. We went to dinner with Benson and his flatmates and I am sorry to inform you that I got a wee bit drunkish... mostly out of the sheer terror of meeting Elvis' friends and trying to make them like me. Oh well. I am also afraid that I immasculated Benson. Unfortuately, when I am tipsy I believe I am ten foot tall and bullet proof. So when Benson said he couldn't drink his rum and coke because it was too strong I argued the point,that it couldn't be that bad, was offered the drink as proof and downed the whole thing in a count of five unstirred. This made Elvis laugh quite a lot. And it made me wonky...
Side tracking a little, one of Beson's flat mates, we'll call him Jockstrap, as an aptly insulting alias, within the first ten minutes of dinner showed himself to be an intolerable flirt. Worse than me, which is saying something. And being that I was female, and that was his only criteria for who to crack onto, he was flirting with me. Now, a few months ago, I would have been bound to say what the hell, being that I was more than slightly inebrated at the turn of the night. I might have flirted and/or done something silly: I like attention. But I saw what he was, I was there with Elvis, and more than anything I just had absolutly no compulsion whatsoever to have anything to do with him. Which may be why when he teased me about being too drunk to walk in a straight line, I gave him the double finger and walked off in the straightest line that a drunk person ever preformed. All in all I was kinda proud of myself... in a weird kind of way.
After dinner and drinks, well, there were more drinks; and to give Elvis, Benson and Hedges time to have much needed friend bonding, I started having a conversation with the nextdoor neighbour in an Irish accent. Not my fault, he started it.
We stayed at Hedges' place that night. I love him, he makes me laugh and he made me feel very comfortable, in an easy way that I think just comes naturally to him... Elvis and I talked for a while, I can remember that much, but I basically remember Spanish lessons and an argument about the couch at about 1am and that's all. Not enough to remember from probably a two hour conversation...
The next morning, hangoverless, we drove off for Dreamworld, dropping Benson off at his dad's on the way. He said I was welcome to come stay anytime if I wanted and it was really sweet...:D
Then we cruised off to Dreamworld. OH DEAR GOD!!! That place is scary!!!!! I loved it, but wow... The Giant drop scared the shit out of me , they just hoist this chair lift like thing up an enormous tower and let you sit for a minute. A few people on it were saying goodbye to eachother and telling dead loved ones they were on their way. You sit there and wait and say 'Oh, I can see an emu' and your like fifteen stories up or more and then they drop you. I didn't have enough air to scream, I swear. The Tower of Terror held up to its name,they send you half way up that same tower in a car-thing and back down backwards like a jet car that stopped half way up mount everest... yikes. I LOVED the rollercoaster and we did it twice!! The Claw however, was dreadful. It was so mother-f*%$ing scary that about half way through I was literally screaming 'Let me off'... The Voltron thing, where the spin you around and you stick to the wall just made me sick for the rest of the afternoon... blah. But it was the most awesome day and Elvis bought me a beautiful fluffy toy tiger and we named him Nickoli . I wanted a tiger as soon as we got inside Dreamworld, but I knew I didn't have enough money. Elvis had no idea about this, so it just goes to show how well that boy knows me. I have no mystery... dammit.
When I was a kid all I ever wanted was to go on a 'proper holiday'. You know, not a seven hour car trip to your aunties place where you sit in a dingy kitchen for twelve hours straight per day, for your entire holiday, listening to the same stories you heard last time you came there, which happened to be your last holiday. I hated it. I wanted a real holiday, something fun where I got to do something and be a kid. And I REALLY wanted to go to Dreamworld . But my folks always said no, because it cost too much and they would rather go see your family; who tortured the shit out of me the entire time. So this holiday was the best holiday I have ever had, because we had fun, lots of fun, and because Elvis made sure that if I wanted to do something, we did it, that I got to be a big kid, and that was the most special thing anyone has ever done for me. He made my little kiddie dream come true.
Well, I have to go, exam tomorrow, which I will probably fail because I haven' read any of the stuff that the exam is on. Bah. This semester has been a total burn out for me. I've just been way too strung out about other stuff, totally not interested in stuffing one more thing into my brain... Next semester, next year, will be better, I swear.
Oh, Black Juan asked about photos from my concert. I haven't got them developed yet, but when I do I'll bung some straight up on my blog!!!
Love and rollercoasters from
Sugarburn