Hey all,
I'm going to be out of wack here because I wrote a blog at Frenchy's which, through no fault of my own , will be delayed in its publication until she sends it to me... Don't ask.
But do ask about the party! It was muchos fun and I made a pass the parcel and we played truth or dare(I've yet to work out weither its a good or bad thing that I actully had something to contribute...Hmmm). Frenchy and I (but mostly I) did away with over 11 standard drinks of vodka and decided to start dropping skittles into vodka shots. Anyway...
Frenchy's friend Eli(her own personal pseudonym, how cool) came for the birthday bash and is perhaps the first girl I have ever had a crush on and I find this disturbing... I don't want to be gay. My mother would kill me. She has a punk/goth thing going on and her look made me envious right down to my boots.
I sucked at the birthday bowling, but that was expected...
Tonight I went bowling AGAIN. But this time with a bunch of people for someone eleses birthday on college. I got 96 which is much better than my 79 from Frenchy's birthday, but this time I was getting help from everyone on my game... It was cool. Opa was fathering me the whole night which was sweet. He was totally doing a parenting thing. I think its mostly because his own daughter is having problems and wont let him help her, and so I'm sort of an adopted daughter who he can look after. I don't mind, is was nice really.
I got the entire score of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory sung to me in the car on the way home... by this guy who I'll call Pinball because that's what he reminded me of, sort of wizzing about and being slightly hypo. I think he liked me.
Which isn't a bad thing, because he sort of looked after me too. Which was cool because tonight I was a little quiet...

I went to the doctor today about this little bump I have near my eye and he says I should have a PLASTIC SURGEON cut it out!!!! Eeeek!! Apart from the bill, I'm thinking about the sharp sharp knives...Yikes. Elvise was a sweetie, he came with me to the doctors and waited with me. It was nice. But I bet everyone in the waiting room thought he'd knocked me up...

I've made a new friend on the internet called Musicisgood and we are now writing three page standard letters to eachother and trading poetry. Its cool.

I am broke and $200 off having all my rent... sigh:: Life stinks. I am going to have to see if I can pay off the excess over time... God I hope so.::

I apologise for my shoddy typing: I'm really really tired. I better go to bed, I have a lot of class tomorrow and I'm going to actually go to my Psych tute for once... I hope my tutor isn't too mad. I know her personally and she might be very irrate...

Until we talk again please remember that a bowling ball is not a weapon... unless you cover it with petrol, light it and launch it from a massive sling shot. I put way too much thought into that...

Sweet dreams of bunnies and sunshine,
Sugarburn

Hey, Just wanted to say that I have started a fiction blog called 'Ninja Weasel and the Blanket of Infinite Doom'.
Check it out if you dare! Its just like me: pointless with bad humour...

Hey all,

Well, my college had a Scottish night tonight. It was awesome. I got all dressed up in a tartan skirt and some Braveheart rip-off war paint claw marks done by Bull. I wore my hair in pigtails and I looked like the Goddess of Catholic School War Lords. It was great. Bill and Mitch played Scottish tunes with the guitar and the tin whistle and we ate some haggis(blah-ick)and shot some scotch whiskey... man that shit burns like a motherfucker! We were the only ones in Scottish dress(it was optional and everyone opted not), but I didn't give a hoot in hell because it was fun and I am cool and confident and plus Mitch is crazy and makes everything easy... Oooh, and we got a free shot glass each! Bill and I asked in the kitchen and we got two each extra. I gave one to Erin and Bill gave one to Emma so we all had two! Its sounds silly but I had so much fun. I love being with this new group: they are much more my speed. For example, we ran around the Japanese gardens calling eachother Japanese names and chasing a mandarine, and last night Erin and I got pizza and rented Sky Captain and the World Of Tomorrow. I love being my age for once. Its truly awesome. Plus, when I got sick yesterday afternoon, Erin played with my hair and looked after me, and even though Bill was sicker than me he asked if I was feeling better. Duchess was ok but she aint warm and fuzzy, thats for sure. She apparently almost ran over Tom, mores the pity that she failed, but the story is she didn't give a fig. Anyway...

I had to go tell Tom that Emma didn't like him because she specifically asked me to after he sat next to her tonight. She dragged me off to the bathroom to flee from him and to tell me that if he came any closer to her she was going to shove a wine glass up 'that prick's butt'. I laughed like crazy. Well, he took it well and talked my ear off for ages. He loves to whinge to me because he thinks I'm still going to listen like a good little girl. "I don't want to be here, blah blah, I want to be flying my glider, whinge whinge, bitch, complain boo hoo". Well, fuck that. I tried being listeny but I had Buffy to watch with the gang so I just said "i gotta go" and left.

Bull was far too nice to me tonight. He joked with me, painted my face and saved me from the burning aftermath of that hidious whiskey... I'm so totally suspicious. Here are the possibilities as I see them:
a) He wants me to do something for him: drive him somewhere, join his crazy mind-altering apocolypse cult.
b) He got an earful about being a prick to me from Cody... she's enough to scare Hannibal Lecter into turning vegetarian.
c) He has discovered my inner perfectness and has fallen madly in love with me.(Oh, looky, the pigs are doing a flying formation...)
or
d) Since he's sick he is delusional and thought he was talking to Mr Ed...
I'm going to go with alternative d).
Well, I won't look a gift horse in the mouth, I will enjoy the peace and quiet but will keep a few insults handy for the next time he chucks a mean bastard routine...

I had lunch with Basil today to go over English lit assignments and discovered he is the most boring person on the earth planet . I was counting down the minutes till I got to go to class... shock horror and now you understand how blah this guy was... Well, got to class eventually and was doodling as I always do. I was drawing the funky cartoon character on this annoying girls shirt. Well, she started laughing and stuff and asked me was I drawing her because I kept staring at her. I told her I was drawing her shirt and she said thanks but that meant our tutor knew I was doodling and he made fun of me . Then, a while later, when I had finished the shirt, I drew her as punishment for drawing attention to me. My tutor just randomly leant over my shoulder and said "Oh, its good, she's drawing fangs on you and everything..." I wasn't, but it was funny none the less. It turned out to be a really good likness... pity she looks like she's been weened on a bottle of tobasco sauce...

I'm shopping with Erin tomorrow but since Frenchy reads this blog I can't say for what(Birthday stuff I haven't had a chance to pick up- arg, I hate last minute stuff... it feels like I didn't care). But I had one of the things but I accidentally left in in Duchess' car and she cant find it... I think she's keeping it to be a bitch. But that could just be paranoia(by the way, the CIA listen to my phone calls...) So I have to buy it again and some other stuff... he he! SO excited, I can't wait till I see my girl!!! She's gonna be 18!! woo hoo!!! I want y'all to wish my Frenchy a big happy b-day, ok?

Well, its extraordinarily late and I'm buggered from clapping so much at the Scottish night and for finishing my english assignment entirly THIS MORNING in about three hours!!! Eeek, I see a bad grade in my future... Well, that teaches me for doing the last minute thing. I was sick all yesterday afternoon so that time was a bust. Anyway... I'll talk again real soon, but until then remember:
Scotsmen don't wear any undies because they need something to tie their keys from...

A hexagasexual is someone who shags girls, guys, dead people,trees... and Scotsmen.

Wishes of candy and clean underwear from
Sugarburn

Buenos dios mi amigos!!
What's shakin' in your world?:D
Nothing is really going on in mine, unless you count being a complete bitch to Elvis. Its a long story and its my story so I'll just say that its for sure that I'm going to hell, and I'll leave it at that.
Well, tomorrow I will be 'covorting' around a tree for Mitch for his assignment thingy. Me, Bill and Erin, will be doing it actually, and I think I'm going to have to pretend to be in love with Bill... If they ask me to kiss him then I'm not sure what I'm going to do... but its probably going to end with him or me getting very freaked out.
At least four people lied for me today. I was sleeping in(until like 1 in the afternoon) when this guy came by to find me to get me to go bowling... long story as to why. But anyway, no-one likes him and so Cody lied and said I went to breakfast and then went somewhere(I didn't go to breakfast... I was asleep). Then Bill lied and Mitch lied and I think Andrea did too... just to keep me safe from bowling with this weirdo. Anyway, Cody then flogged him off onto taking BULL bowling instead.*insert evil laughter here* When I saw Bull before he went bowling I told him it was karma. He freaked out because he didn't get what I meant and because he's totally paranoid... it was funny.
I've been watching Charmed with my friends instead of doinf my english essay... not good. I only have till Monday afternoon so I better do it tomorrow...
I saw the trailer for Serenity on Tuesday when Elvis and I went to the movies. Its the movie for a great TV series called Firefly and I can't wait until it comes out!!!! You probably don't care but for me it will be the most exciting cinematic event since The Italian Job...
I'm getting this weird feeling from Erin like she's hitting on me or something... I don't know. It would make Frenchy eternally happy if I settled down with some nice girl, but I'm not sure that thats the way I swing. I like guys WAY too much...
She's very guy oriented too, but she has smooched a girl before so I'm a little suspicious. A lesbian fling could be interesting, I hear that thats what you do in college... but my mother would kill me and my shady reputation could become a lot worse if I dabbled in the girly stuff... Ianthorpe thinks that sexual ambiguity helps your love life along, at least in the seventies, but in a cramped society like where I live, where 90% of the guys here who aren't immediatly too forign to understand are scary yobbos I don't really want my love life to improve there... plus, my love life is a sick tangled mess at the moment and any 'improvment' would only make it much much worse. Bah.
The scars on my wrist are getting a little too see-able lately... I'm not sure why. Whatever. I just hope my mum doesn't notice them... she'll be wicked pissed off.
Oooh, I forgot: the police called the other morning to tell me that they were beginning to trace my scary phone calls. I am very excited. By what they said I should know by maybe Tuesday who the motherf*%ker was who was calling me. I hope he gets into some serious shit.

Well, I've gotta be up early to covort tomorrow... so until next time remember: Fools are not those who look on and laugh at those who are foolish... they are just no fun.

Spearmint lifesavers and other round holey things from
Sugarburn

Hey all!!!

Well, as I promised(or was that threatened?Hmmm)I am back. This time with the news that I am gay. Or, that's what everyone thinks anyway. Its that rumour or the one where I'm dating Bill. Which is an interesting mix of rumours. Anyway. Emma thought I was gay, according to Erin, who told me that to cover that it was her who brought up this gay question with Emma, who thought maybe I was because I am a touchy person but discounted it because I'm very guy-oriented.Oh lordy. I am never commenting on Angelina Jolie, touching a girl's arm or calling a chick sweetie ever again. Its just too rumour millish around here. Did I ever tell you that people think I slept with Bull? Eeek. So I am a lesbian slut with a guy addiction... great. Bah. I can understand them thinking I'm with Bill, because we are friendly in the 'overly' sense and we do a lot of mock flirting and sexual innuendo, but thats because we have a similar sense of humour and we're good friends who enjoy being silly together. It might not help the rumour that I was stroking Bill's hair in the common room. It was to help him de-stress because he's sick but thats not going to be what people are going to say.

We almost won a man tonight in a charity auction. We lost my old block boss Nick at $108. They can have him... But Tom was one of the auctioned off guys and it made my day because he was hell uncomfortable.

I'M GOING TO FRENCHY"S BIRTHDAY PARTY!!!!!! I am soooooo happy. My folks said they really didn't want to come get me but they changed their minds because they didn't think it was fair that they have my car and I'm stuck here with no car and no way of getting home. Plus it's my girl's 18th !!! Very important!!

I'm still getting a very interesting vibe off of Gaso. I think he really might like me. Bill said he was staring at me, and hey, Bill's also said 'Loni, stop staring at Gaso..." So I guess he's paying attention. I am guy addicted. Its not cool. I am about as settled as a rollercoaster. Oh well. I don't want a serious relationship, I just like finding all these cool guys, enjoying their company,and knowing that they like me. And that makes me offically the shallowest bitch ever. I could say I have issues but that's a cop out. I like guys and I know that a monogomos(spelling? Bad.) relationship is beyond me right now. I have so much cathing up to do, just learning about how to interact with guys for a start,and how to deal with them and all this stuff. I hate myself for being so fucking flighty. My only consolation is that by most people's standards, I am not a slut. I'm just a flirt and a rubberneck... hardly desirable traits though.

I've skipped quite a few classes lately... not good. But Elvis talked me into going to my Asian class(did too). This American guy was doing his oral presentation and even when it was clear he knew bugger all about what he was saying, or when he lost the plot entirly, it still sounded like he was intelligent and all-knowing. Its part to do with the accent and part to do with the fact that he sounds so freakin' confident no matter what bullshit he's sprouting. Megan from one of my lectures(Elvis' friend) thinks he's hot but his personality is wack(so far up himself he can see his large intestine) and that's of the extreme off putting nature.

I joined the library today!! I am so excited because I got a book by Laurell K. Hamilton who is my favourite auther on the face of the planet. She writes weird vampire stuff and I love her, especially becuase she writes with humour and fun and sexiness, not just creepiness. You probably don't care about my literary gain, but I am overjoyed because I havn't read a book in SIX MONTHS!! No wonder my I.Q. is failing...

Well I'm going to the movies with Elvis tomorrow so I better go. We're seeing The Island, which I have wanted to see for AGES. It should be fun. It means I get frozen coke from the candy bar!!! Woo hoo!!

Alrighty, I'll be seeing you, and until then remember: strangers are just friends you've yet to borrow stuff off...

Knowing nothing about absolutly everything is a valid life choice.

M&M's are better than Smarties,
From Sugarburn

Hey y'all!!

I know that I only just blogged last night and that barely 24 hours have passed since then and now, but I have STUFF to say.
Emma really, really, really does not like Tom. I believe the actual quote was "Tell him he can kick his own ass into the seventh ring of hell". I swear to god!!! That's what she said. It was validating and had wonderful imagery... Plus, she hadn't even asked what I thought of him at that point. She did ask. I told her but I didn't tell her before because I didn't want her not to like him because of me. I wouldn't have minded them dating except that I know he's still in love with the girlfriend he had before me and if he'd hurt my Emma the way he'd hurt me then I would have had to cut his heart out with a spoon. Well, after I told her, she added a new line to her previous rebuttle: "If he comes near me or my friends I'll follow him down to that seventh level of hell to make sure his penis is flayed repeatedly for all eternity..." I liked it. It had pizzaz...

Apparently Basil is 'smitten' with me. At least thats what my friend Opa(his nickname, it means grandpa, I think) who's like 47 thinks. He himself said that if he was 25 years younger that he'd chase me. Hmm, I'm flattered, but its still a little weird. Anyway, I find this idea kind of baffling. Is Basil really 'smitten'? And if so, why in the hell? He's far too interesting and cool to like me. I feel the same about Elvis. Why does he like me? Why does anyone? A puzzle for the ages...
Well, it is nice to think about this smitten thing no matter if it might be a farce or a misinterpretation. And he bought me a lolly pop. It was sweet... God, sentimental freak ahoy.

I made a new friend today! Monique, who swore she knew me, and who looked eeirly familar to me too. She is adorable and sweet but not the brightest person to ever walk this earth, and that's coming from ME:the Queen of Retardedness. It is possible that we might go shopping together some time which would be nice since I have no-one to shop with here. Frenchy and I shop (and shop LIFT)when we're together and I miss her. Miss being around her and being silly together. I REALLY want to be with her for her 18th birthday but mum isn't keen on driving me home and then back to uni. If I could get a bus then that would be cool... I'm gonna look into it. This might be a viable plan...

I'm hungry. You probably don't care but I find it very interesting. I really want a toast and potato crisp sandwhich but I have no butter since someone stole it last night and I forgot to get some tonight at dinner. Bah I might have to make do with spraying this canola oil shit on my bread before I toast it. And I've done it before so I know it tastes like cardboard when I do that. That'll teach me to forget butter... Maybe I'll use nutella instead(What do you think of that Elvis?)

Anyway I guess I better get going. I'm gonna call my Frenchy from the pay phone because I have no phone credit, and then I'm gonna call my folks while I'm there.

Right-o. I'll probably be back soon, but in the meantime, please move your seat to the upright position and don't forget to punch the person who took the window seat and made you sit in the aisle seat.

Never drink lime tea... yuck doesn't cover it even barely.

Supercalifragalisticexpialidocious hugs from
Sugarburn

Heylo everyone!

I'm talking to Elvis on the phone while I'm typing this so bare with me if I'm a little incoherant...

Let's see...
Well, tonight I got to listen to my ex, Tom, tell me all about how much he's likes my friend Emma. Fun city. I know she doesn't even remotly like him(Erin told me Emma liked him so I kindly gave her my 'its cool' to which she said thanks but no thanks...), but since I did not want to look like the bitter ex I kept this fact to myself. Instead, I gave him a few tips to impress her, including watching some anime and hitting people in the face in defence of her honor. Which, coincidently, is one of the roads to my heart, and is the reason Tom is of the yuck factor... he has the manly capacity of a lampshade and the true geek factor of a burnt croissant. Hey, I like Geeks and geeky things. For example, Elvis was embarassed just now when he named six of the Star Trek captains off the top of his head. My response had him laughing and me hanging up on him. For the second time that night. I said "I'm only going to say this once. Ok? Ok. That was sexy." And I meant it. Naming six Star Trek captains was, to me, very sexy. What this means to my sanity is anyones guess, but its just the way I work . I expect a reasonable knowledge of space frontier television programs, some type of musical abilty, maybe a sword collection or a DVD collection to rival Blockbuster... RPG gamers are cool, a knowledge of Buffy or Modernist poetry, a GPA of six or registration with a fan-fiction site are all things that... well, to be quite frank, turn me on. I am weird. I am a weird weird person.

Anyway. Tom has a crush on two girls. Both of which are friends of mine. And this leads me to a disturbing hypothosis. Cali is a brutnette psychology major from N.S.W, just like me. And Emma is me exactly only a little weirder and a little more wordy. We have all the same favourite TV shows, we talk the same, we have the same taste in men and our humor runs similarly to witty sarcasam . Now, here's my theory: Since it went uber-badly between Tom and I(do I need to rehash the 'I got used' rant? No? Didn't think so...), is he seeking out people like me in an attempt do it right this time? Well, that sounds more than vaguely self-important on my part, and I don't like that idea much.
Anyway, he thought liking two people was crazy and wild. Then he asked me how many people I liked. I have four.

1. Elvis, unless you were blind and dumb you should have worked that one out.

2. Gaso, a German student on college who's probably thirty odd.

3. Basil from my English literatre class who makes me feel dumb and uncultured, through no fault of his own.

And

4. Wes, the bass guitarist from my Asian class.

This made Tom feel better and intimidated all at the same time, apparently. Bully for me. But I am not enjoying my rhombus of like at all. I don't WANT to like anyone. So far my relationships have gone from users to users to users and I am sick of it. I am convinced that none of the affor mentioned guys are like that. Well, at least Elvis isn't for sure(he's kinda perfect). But in the back of my head there is this knowledge that I am usless at relationships. Love sucks and boys lie. And so do I.

Ok, rant of the day: Tom said that the 'group', which I no longer belong to, was worried about me for a time, that is: before I left. That I went a bit 'loopy' for a while. LOOPY???!?!?!!!? There was one incident when I was late to pick up my keys from Duchess. That's what started this train of thought, leading it to a massive pile up not too far down the line where it hit a goat on the tracks and turned into me going LOOPY. I'm not the group member talking about shagging gerbals, or the one going out and drinking until I can't remember what I did that night. I was the only one not obsessed with beastiality and porn . I did get a little detached from the group when they started calling me snot and saying I was an immature slut. Does that make me loopy? Oh, and apparently, according to Mister All-seeing person, I 'changed'. Yes, I changed. I decided to stop putting up with their shit and take back my freakin' dignity . I am trying not to care what they thought, because they never knew me very well, but I can't help wondering what I did that made them think I'd quote 'fallen off the wagon' end quote. Whatever it was I rejoice in my abilty to be loopy and hereby think that Tom and all my old friends are stupid and if they really were worried about me then why did they just amp up the ridicule and not ask what was supposedly wrong? Hmmm? I rest my case...

I am out of money and its only the weekend. I've still got ages to go till I get money next and this is scary. I enjoy eating. Its kind of addictive and a habit I have gotten into. I NEED FOOD!!! So, here's hoping that I will have a few dollars surplus from rent money and will be able to get some food for the week coming. Or else I will have to invent a book I really need for uni that my folks will buy for me. This book will be named: 'Junk food 101' and is a comprehensive guide to eating nutella off a spoon and potato crisps on toast. I don't want to lie to them but I will for chocolate and peanut butter...

This blog is really long, I've just noticed. So I will sign off here and return later. Incidently, please be on the lookout for a forthcoming episode of What The Hell Was That All About? which is dedicated to my besty Frenchy and is a comprehensive epic account of how we became friends and our friendship from my side of the fence. It should be a blast. Coming to a computer screen near you...

Until I return, remember what your mother said: run with scissors, take candy from strangers, read in the dark and don't brush your teeth. Or something like that...

Seven Spanish Bagels from
Sugarburn

Hey-lo all!

Lying is bad. Right? Oh well, just wanted confirmation. I had a slight machosistic bender on Wednesday night which included vodka and a survival knife... during this episode I realised that it hurts a lot less if you lay on your arm for a while first, but this results in a deeper cut than anticipated and this leads to band-aids. Hmmm... Anyway, I lied to everyone and said I cut myself accidentally because I was sleeping with my knife for self-defense purposes... And I was, but it was no accident. I guess I just wanted to feel something other than empty fear and this fucking fragileness. I was supposed to see a counsellor today, but I was out with my friends and I didn't want to make them go home, even though I was really looking forward to going and talking about... stuff. I'll just reschedual, I guess.

I went to see live jazz tonight(tonight being a different night to the one on which I wrote that last paragraph). It was incredible! I loved it! There were these awesome saxaphone solos and I knew the bass guitarist! We're in a class together at uni and he's kinda cute. I get the vague feeling we were flirting after the show. But it was his fault! Anyway, I loved everything about the jazz concert. We danced(Erin and Bill and Mitch and I) and I was lousy at it but when I danced with Mitch he just made it so much easier. A good dancer can make anyone look good and that was Mitch. I can waltz really well but that stuff they were trying to do was too complicated to teach in the few minutes the song lasted. Oh hey,I even wore a dress! And while Bill's comment on my dress was quote: 'eh' end quote, it was a hit with some very creepy old man and a trombone player. I wished my friend Elvis was there because he loves jazz and he plays the (let me consult my notes...) Alto sax. Plus I missed him and hated to think of him doing assignments at home.

My brother Jet's (because he used to be an airforce mechanic working on the 747's and now he does something with jet aircraft computers...) girlfriend Trisha (I'm naming her this because she looks like country singer Trisha Yearwood) is in town seeing her dad who is really sick. I love her so much, if my brother doesn't keep this one then I am going to be severly pissed off. She's just perfect. Even if he does drop her I am still keeping her.

I was talking to Bill and my roomy Cat tonight after the jazz concert(Cat actually being in the concert) and they were talking about how this person had this reputation and that reputation and such and when Cat had gone home I asked Bill what people said about me. The common thread apparently was 'I like her, she's really weird, but I like her'. Considering that Bill says if people don't like you, you get called a bitch and/or a slut, then I am perfectly happy with my weirdness tag.

Anyway, its late and I'm tired and I have to work on an assignment tomorrow... bah, humbug.

Until next time, remember that outside of a dog a man's best friend is a book. Inside of a dog its too dark to read...

Bouquets of feather dusters from
Tiger5

P.S.
This is the last time I will sign off as Tiger5. Although this is my usual screen name, my blog is under the name Sugarburn and I have decided that for the sake of continuity I will re-name myself... I'm a bit sad about this. Strangely...

Hello dutiful minions!!

I’m back and slightly more stable than last time... Slightly . In the aftermath of my scary psychopath encounter there was an incident with vodka at about 4 in the afternoon . But that was only to calm me down because I was getting really wiggy (scared) the day after. I still freak out easy . Someone walks past my window, a door creaks, I get a phone call from a private number, someone comes up behind me when I’m opening my door. I’m a little twitchy. Or a lot twitchy.
I did eventually tell my folks what happened the next day, mainly because I wanted to talk to my mum. And I was right, she went almost straight into the spiel about giving out my number. But I got a reprieve from the lecture because I started to cry and asked her to tell me she loved me. I hadn’t had a chance to cry before then so it was a good thing. When I told Dad that the guy had said he was coming for me at 9pm, his response was “Do you have a knife?” And, being my father’s daughter, I have three . Just hope I don’t have to use any of them.
Everyone has been really great and Nick suggested that I talk to a Uni counsellor, which I will be doing this Friday. I didn’t want to in the beginning but I’m actually looking forward to it now. It’s gonna be nice to talk it all out. There are some things I can’t tell anyone and that some people don’t ask. Frenchy asked, being the super special besty she is , but I found it hard to tell her (I got most of it out with chickens and rhyming words, hehe, never mind). And there’s stuff that I feel which is really hard to tell people, its really hard to actually say to anyone, much less to people you love.
I do kind of wonder why my mum never asked me what he said. Maybe she just doesn’t want to hear about what some jerk wants to do to her daughter, or maybe she just doesn’t want to know, plain and simple. So far, the only person who I’ve told everything to is the policeman. And he was nice, just not comforting. Everything the phone guy said just keeps going around inside my head on a loop. Last night I heard the song that was Oliver’s and my song and I freaked. It was like having him in my room with me. And I dreamt about him last night. It mightn’t be him who called me but it feels like him. I don’t know. All I know is that I’m afraid of my own shadow. And its getting worse, not better.

Well, my infatuation with Bull is now well and truly over and done with . I have finally realized what a complete jerk he is. He made me drive him to Subway at eleven last night because he was drunk, and he was a dickhead the whole drive. Then he started saying stuff about me to my roommate and her friends tonight who live in my block, saying I talked weird and was rude to him. Rude to him? Was I the one calling him a bitch and saying he was annoying, and all-round yuck? No.. That was him. Talking to me. Well, apparently the girls defended me and he went to his room to sulk. Its a shock really that the girls like me enough to help me out but it made me all warm and fuzzy. I really appreciate it. It is now out in the open that everyone in our block thinks he is an asshole with issues... hehe.

I gave blood at the blood drive on Tuesday and it made me really really sick. I was terrified to go do because I hate needles. But I really wanted to do it for Frenchy and myself. My friend Emma sang to me while I was getting the needle put in and pulled out. She’s a great woman of our time, especially since I was bugging out... in a manly way, of course. But I got a headache and dizziness and paleness after and although it got better that night, this morning I was so dizzy and nauseous that moving was a real bitch and I missed three classes and ducks with Elvis just staying in bed sleeping it off... It was possibly a very bad idea to give blood when I was tired and stressed and getting over a cold. Elvis was a doll though , he forgave me and sent me chocolate and a perfectly special card through Duchess. Hate to admit it but I got all fuzzy and had a silly smile for an hour. Damn him!

Ok, lighter note: going to see some live jazz on Saturday night with Bill and Erin and Mitch. I am excited since I’ve never seen live jazz before. I’m gonna wear a dress! That is, I’m gonna wear a dress if I can get Bill to check that I don’t look like a hippopotamus in it... I’m not exactly thinness incarnate. I would love to look like a girl for once, wear a dress and everything. But not a very very fat girl... oh well. I haven’t even been eating very much lately (I’ve had lettuce and everything !!!)so I am pissed. Anyway.

Well, I better get some sleep so I can get up go to my Boringness 101 lecture tomorrow. At least I’ll get in some quality doodle time... and I can see Elvis. And probably his friends who are cool, if weird in a good way. I’m going shopping with Erin and Bill for clothes to wear to a Scottish party as well tomorrow. Should be ... interesting.

Well, I’ll talk again soon, but until then, remember that your not weird... your gifted.
And don’t be reckless with other peoples hearts: keep them in the freezer.

Wishes of sunshine and lollypops from
Tiger5

Hey all!!

How’s your life going? I’m sure it will be infinitely better once you hear about mine... yeah, right.

Well, a consistently good week has turned kinda’ sour. But back to that later... its the only interesting bit and I wanna keep it for last.

My new friends and I had a party on Friday night for our friend Emma’s birthday. It was SUPPOSED to be a surprise but she figured it out... may have had something to do with the way we were being all covert and avoidy and the fact that a packet of sparklers slipped out from under my shirt when we were talking to her. Hmmm... Anyway, we had a roaring good time: jelly bean fights, cake, alcohol, Mrs Doubtfire and Bridget Jones. It was fun. Loving the new friends even though Erin and Emma are finishing uni at the end of the year. But that’s ok, I’m happy for now and I’ll still have Bill next year because he’s got ages left to go at uni.

It was my fault that Elvis was at place A and I was at place B (about four hours later)... Communication problem. But I’ve done a communication class, dammit. This should not happen. But we got together again and I apologised a lot, but not enough for me. I’m thinking of buying him something expensive. Like a llama.
We did eventually get to feed the ducks the next day, and that was cool. We just hung around the Japanese gardens and talked. He’s the best. Too smart for me... but awesome none the less. Why can’t I find some dumb friends? But is it possible to find someone dumber than me? I’m not going to hold my breath waiting for them...

Last night Bill and Erin and I were watching Buffy, Season 2. So much fun. We’d been doing it since three that afternoon and we finished up at about ten thirty. I got a funny text message from Elvis and I’d replied and was just chatting with Bill and Erin and Andrea when I got the first call.
Now, this is the interesting bit....
Someone was threatening to rape and kill me last night. I got about ten threatening phone calls on my mobile from a private number. I’m not gonna use the actual words he did, this is mostly a PG blog and he was at least M15+. But he said he was going to kill me, slice my throat open, and rape me kind of grotesquely(probably not in that exact order but you never know...). He just kept ringing me and telling me all this shit. He just wouldn’t go away.
Bill called the RF(student on college who looks after stuff) on duty , who was Nick, my old RF. He called the police and everything and the whole time Bill and Erin were awesome and lovely and helped me a lot. The police man was great and tactful(especially during the dictation, word for word, of all the stuff the phone call guy had said, and it wasn’t pretty: c*%k and c*#t were the featured words- I’m sure you can work it out). Erin let me sleep on her floor because I was so scared and it was kind of recommended by the police man. I have an idea who it was: Oliver, because even though the guy on the line was doing a weird voice, the way he used words sounded a lot like Oliver. Jerk off, shithead motherfucker.
But God, I was so scared. At one point I lost it completely and sobbed in a corner. But Erin hugged me and talked to me and they all looked after me something special. Bill even got nice and manly-protective. Which was weird, since he’s kind of considered one of the girls...
This morning I want to talk to my mum: you know, maternal comfort and all that. But I know that after the initial concern and heart attack, she will come down on me like a ton of bricks about giving out my number... I want comfort, not the third degree. I want to talk to my besty, but I don’t want to worry her because she’s sick right now. I want to sit with Elvis and feel safe and talk about nonsense. But he’s away and plus he has a hangover today I’ll wager .
I’ll be ok. I’m just a little fragile right now and once everything settles down in my head I’ll know what to do. Who to call and what to say. But right now I’ll lock all my doors, stay inside, be quiet and listen to music. Everything will be ok.

Hope you all have a great day and will please forgive me for not including a witty comment at the bottom of this blog, I’m not in a witty mood right now.

All the best,
Tiger5

Hi again,
Its me, your friendly local anti-social manic.

Against all my best efforts I eventually had a pretty good weekend. After my last post Saturday night I stayed up the entire rest of the night chatting to ‘Ronnie’. Who the hell he was and what he was doing on college is far beyond my comprehension- all I know is he was a good kisser. I know, I know, bad decision on my part. And since I just found out that during one kiss you exchange about 287 germs, I find it kind of gross too. Anyway. He’s very gone now and all is good.
Having stayed up all night till 6am I was up when the college’s “treasure hunt” started. Note that those quotation marks were sarcastic... Anyway, we(Erin and Emma and I) walked to the starting point singing ‘Follow the yellow brick road’ with Mitch and his guitar. Then we started the “hunt” and had eggs thrown at us at the first pit stop . Then we went to the next one where we were first to be up for the challenge of drinking a glass of tomato juice, Tabasco sauce and raw egg. No-one else in my group would do it, except psychotic-bravado filled acceptance-aholic me. It didn’t taste that bad, but it burnt all the way down and the after effects are best left untold... except to say I never threw up and I am proud of that . There was this tough dude with dreadlocks who tried to drink it and couldn’t, throwing up what little he could drink in a bush. Nick (my old block boss) told him to try harder, so as not to be beaten by a girl but it didn’t work. Nick thought I was pretty cool but I was Emma’s hero all day for doing it so I feel all the consequential stomach pains were worth it. I’m ecstatic about my new friends, and I didn’t even need to ask them to be or bribe them to be my friends. They wanted me. Go team! Bill ate twenty five Fisherman’s Friends on one of the other dares and he was winning until Nick came along and ate thirty all at once followed by a raw egg chaser. Say it with me: Ewwwww!

I have class, so I’ve gotta go. I’m meeting Elvis afterwards and I’m gonna take him to the Japanese gardens because he’s never been before. I’ve even made stale bread to feed the ducks!

Oh shit!!! I organised to meet my great buddy Elvis after my statistics class, but he wasn’t there. Which leaves me only three possibilities:

a) his own statistics class put him into a coma and he was rushed to hospital(god, I hope no-one pulls the plug and donates his organs to science...).

b) When he said he’d meet me after my class, he really meant after my lecture, which I didn’t go to, and therefore he now thinks I stood him up. In which case I have to hang myself from the yard arm. Or a tree branch.

c) He was abducted by French terrorists, who took him back to their homeland to torture him with foul smelling cheeses and beatings with long bread sticks... Where he was rescued by a bunch of balmy guerrilla British senior citizens who hid him in a pub in London and forgot where they put him. Thank god he likes beer....

I will see him tomorrow but I’m all guilty all the time until then . I hope he isn’t mad at me.

This guy from my English lit class, an English guy strangely enough, asked for my mobile number yesterday... weird . Then Emma told me she thought my friend Gaso was looking at me like he’d been ‘wandering around in a desert starving for a week and you(me) were a piece of filet minon’. Interesting, but queer since he’s like thirty and Bosnian... I don't have anything against Bosnia, I just know he's leaving to go back there at the end of the semester and so starting something would be pointless. Usually this kind of attention makes me happy, but I’m just not feeling it anymore. I would like to think that I am over that stage and am now a mature adult capable of a committed, monogamous relationship with a normal-ish person. But I’d never give myself that much credit . I do want a boyfriend, someone to cuddle up to on the couch watching The 4400 . But I don’t know if I’m ready to be a one man woman. I also know I’m not the kind of girl who can have a fuck buddy, for the lack of a better word. That only leaves me with the question : What the fuck do I want? And even if I realize what I want, am I going to be mature enough to have it, keep it and/or know what it is when I get it? All I really know right now is that I’m in a zone for discovering everything and that is not a happy zone, but it needs to be gotten through in order for me know exactly what and/or who I want, why I want it, who in the hell I actually am and what all of that means. Oh god, what a load of ‘discover myself’ bullshit was that...

At least I feel better about my friends now... I have Emma, Erin and Bill. They are kinda’ more like me and I love being the one who isn’t the strangest person in the group(sometimes I’m not strange enough, so that’s a change and I like it). But there’s still stuff left to do. First things first? I get rid of my old college buddies for good. Mostly Duchess. She dropped by the common room last night(Monday night) and said she’d been looking for me for four days and didn’t see me on Sunday for the games. Fact: We sat at the same table that morning for breakfast and she refused to say anything to me past “Hey”. I thought maybe she actually wanted to see me, but I am a simple and naive person, it seems. She just wanted the software I bought for the statistics course we are both doing . She said she was too lazy to go get it herself. Fact: she bought all her books second hand and so her copy didn’t come with the program. To get the program herself she would have to a) get the whole package with the book and the program, or b) buy the program separate which I think you can do. But why do any of that when you can just use someone else’s? Oh, shit . I just realized that she still has the big book for psychology that we bought together. I’m gonna have to get her to pay me for my half so I can get one of my own. Since she never shared with me before I doubt I’d get her to when we stop hanging out. Ok, she did share, once, in like April, but she went away right before exams and took the book with her, only to study a different subject instead and still need to study our book when she got home. Then she kept it until the very last day before the exam when she decided to share with me.
I have so very much had enough. So I’m gone . She has finally cut me out of the group. Just like she’s seemed to want since we all started hanging out. She even tried to take away our mutual friend from psych. I can stand to lose the others, but I don’t want to lose him . He’s special to me.

Anyway, I gotta get going. It’s extraordinarily late again and I have a lot of class tomorrow. Plus side: I’ll see Elvis and I get to find out if it was my fault or the universe’s...

Until I return, remember: When your in prison, a good friend will pay your bail. A great friend will be in prison with you....

Pineapple kisses from
Tiger5