This is for Bogie, who will understand this because she, like me, hates humanity with a firey passion and thinks life stinks too. I was trying a 'all is good, joy and love to all and if that doesn't work fuck 'em' philosophy but then Tom and Dutchess did a tag team number on me being real mean and I realise I can't stand people... So this is for Bogie with chuckles and a few tears:

Ode to the Bulb

A single light
In the corner
Do you know your alphabet
Little one with no care ?
Can you count to a hundred ?
That is the standard
By which we value
By which we praise
How large is your brain
Little one with no care ?

Are you pretty ?
Do you have small thighs ?
Large breasts ?
Little one with no care ?
This is how we judge
This is why we love
This is the benchmark of our acceptance
Your existence hangs on the shape of your body
Invest in a stair master
If you wish to be loved
Little one with no care .

Single light in the corner
Do you see us often
In your own dim light ?
Do we terrify ?
Do we mesmerize ?
Tell me why we do what we do
Little one with no care
Because I do not know

Your light
Is the only thing that touches me
Is your electric heat
The only warmth in my world now ?
Why ?
Little one with no care
Can you tell me ?
Just as everything else
At a single touch you burn me
And leave me in the dark .

Hello!!
Hows everyone been? Glad to see you back for round 5 of What The Hell Was That All About which should be a knockout. Maybe...
Well, lets see...
Unfortunately, as predicted, the stupid person that is me got drunk again. This time it was far worse than ever before. And this time with some thirty-something guy named Gary who’s at uni for a surveyors convention. Together we got through six jugs of vodka and coke. Oh dear lord. Never again. I had to hold onto the bed to stop from falling off. I couldn’t stand up at certain points of the night. And the worst bit was that Gary kissed me twice. No problem, he was drunk and he didn’t try to take it any further which I thought was very sweet, especially since he put me to bed and took off my shoes. But the problem is that he was married. Not good. Very bad. A married guy kissed me. I’m going to hell. For sure now.
Bull scared the living shit out of everyone but me the other night. Cue(who left college today, to move in with his girl), Erik - the guy from Finland, my diabetic friend Will, myself and Bull who was driving us, we all went out to see Mr and Mrs Smith. I know, I’ve already seen it, but I wanted to see it again and plus I got to see it with Bull so I went... Anyway, Bull drove through a red light at the railway crossing JUST AHEAD OF AN ONCOMING TRAIN!! I had a riot of laughter, I love that sort of thing. But Will said later that he would have got out of the car right then if it hadn’t been moving... I enjoyed queuing for tickets because Bull talked to me constantly, trying to drag my attention from anyone or anything that distracted me from what he was saying. Weird as, huh? Then when we got home I asked him to park crazy. Because last time I was in the car with him he parked really fast and it was fun, so I asked him to do it again. He said ‘Park crazy? Ok.’ And did it. Usually he says no when I ask him that sort of thing. I am pleasantly suspicious.
I was eating two minute noodles on toast in the common room when MrM came in and sat with me for a while. He then asked, out of the blue, if I wanted to have sex. Can someone please shoot him? I hate this guy, especially when he’s been drinking like he had been when he asked. So incredibly weird. And for everyone with their mind in the gutter, I said no.
I had to re-new my drivers license, which means a four block walk from where the bus stops to the Transport office. And so I did a little browsing in shops along the way to break up the walk. There’s this discount mall where I like to look and this long haired dude kept looking at me. Whatever, I went to the transport office and $52 later I had a new license. Then I walked all the way back to have lunch at the real mall since I hadn’t eaten since the afternoon of the day before and it was now like 3:30pm. So I went up to the food court and saw Wolf from my English lit class, who let me hang with him until he went to work(kitchen hand, just like me). After he went to work I went and got a frozen coke and some chips from McDonalds and intended to go get my Mr and Mrs Smith soundtrack off lay-by when the long haired guy came up to me and said, no kidding, “I saw you back at the Garden Town mall and I thought you looked amazing(huh?) and I was kicking myself for not talking to you then because you left and I thought I’d never see you again. But then you turned up here and I thought what the heck.” At this point the only words coming out of my mouth were: ‘errr?’ and ‘waa?’. And then he said “I saw you with that guy just now, is he your boyfriend?” and I said, spur of the moment thing I swear, ‘Yes, sorry. Thank you, Bye.” So Wolf became my boyfriend for a few minutes, which wouldn’t be such a bad thing really. I feel kind of bad for lying but he was creepy. And old.
I am soooo very not prepared for my exams. I’ve been really tired lately , I think its the antibiotics, its the only reason I can think of. So I’m getting very little done really. Especially today. I think I wrote about ten words and spent the rest of the day that I was actually awake (I woke up today at 1:30pm. Ooops)eating chips and a baked bean toasted sandwich and feeling really awful. I feel like the walking dead and I don’t like it... Instead of studying now I’m writing this. And pretty soon Jay’s gonna come over so the rest of my night is fucked too. Oh well.
And this cute guy I met on-line who lives in Newcastle wants to come and see me (hello Nick!) while he’s up seeing family. Weird, to want to see me. Hope he’s not a chainsaw murderer... or a Jehovah’s witness.
I wrote a quiz at this site I belong to called OkCupid. It called the ‘Are You As Crazy As Me Test’. I love it, its so fun! If you join OkCupid then you can do a whole bunch of cool tests and meet some strange and fun people. It free, so I’m not trying to sell anything to you. Its just a cool place to hang out and do dumb tests! Like, you know, mine!!!
Ok, this is the bitch paragraph. So if bad language and violence offends you scroll past this bit...
Bloody Chris Simpson!! I thought we were friends but apparently we’re not. He was Oliver’s best friend, remember? He told Duchess the other week that Oliver just used me, that he had another girl before he left for Melbourne, and that I was a bit of a slut anyway. Oh, and did Duchess know that he(Chris) had kissed me? OH FUCKING BLOODY HELL!!! I am gonna slap that little shit silly when I go back up to work. I defended that guy when people said he was a dumb-ass prick, I bought him lunch, we hung out, we were good friends... I don’t deserve being talked about like that by a fucking stoner with dental problems. I hate him. He hit my only major sore spot: the ‘am I a slut’ phobia. Jay listened to me bitch and made me feel better but I am still angry and kind of bothered that maybe I am a slut. But I’m sure I’m just a flirt mainly, which is still bad, I guess.
Well, I better get going, do something productive.
Now remember, growing old is compulsory but growing up is optional.
Liberace was gay.
Hugs and doughnuts,
Tiger5

Hullo to my Frenchy, who’s at a car convention this weekend having a blast.
Hullo to Bogie who is as awesome as usual.
Hullo to all my blog friends

Hullo,
What's shakin' in your world? I'm feling better and can now swallow actual food which is very nice considering that living off ice-cream and jelly is fun but not all that healthy...
Let's see, what's going on here?
Well, Jay's brother Bag(so named for the mythical bag of winds- to be literal: the guy talks endlessly) told his folks that I'm Jay's girlfriend. Oh dear. It was severly funny because Jay was having dinner with his folks and his mum just up and said "So, are you inviting Loni(my real name, actually) around sometime?" Jay said he almost had a heart attack. Once I stopped laughing I begged him not to invite me around as his parents are cannibles(i.e. very scary and man-eating) He said that it would be ok because Bag has a high opinion of me and passed it on to their folks... that's kinda nice. But weird Apparently I am very nice (translate this as I listened to Bag talk about himself and his interests for about two hours all the while looking interested and impressed. Shame on me: I actually was most of the time But I have the vauge feeling we were flirting a bit..oh dear ) Jay's friend Smith texts me on my mobile every morning and every afternoon. I have Jay's perrmission to:
a) Ignore him callously
b) Be a complete bitch to him
c) Or tell him to go away outright

I've decided on ignoring him. Its a valid choice and saves me the phone credit I would use to txt him to be a bitch or tell him to bugger off But I still feel bad...

Tom came by this morning as I was getting ready to go meet a friend to study (got stood up, very cross ). He had no particular reason and seemed very dissappointed that I was leaving. I do not like this development. He just had an air of something unsaid about him. Heaven help me if he wants me back... I don't know how to fix that... Especially since I want to slap him or throw up whenever I see him. Harsh, I know, but he's just that annoying and cruel to me these days... Plus a total dweeb. Don't get me wrong, I love nerds and geeks and such, but these guys are usually on the more wordy/interlectual, crazy and individuallist track than Tom, who is just not wordy and who is very childish and selfish... And the bitch of the year award goes to me.Sorry, but my tastes and ideas have changed and plus he's mean... At least I'm not saying it to his face, like he does to me...

Some guy from Botswana came on to me outside the library while I was waiting endlessly for my no-show friend. Just thought I'd mention it. It was weird. The only person I've known who argued with the reason I gave for not wanting to go to the movies with him.

Went and saw Mr and Mrs Smith with the last of my money for the week. Dipping into rent money now... dont tell anyone, ok? The movie was good and I spent an hour walking around the mall pretending to be an Angelina-Jolie-esk assassin, pissing women off because I had that whole infallible, sexy/cool attitude thing going, especially with my new accessories. Felt very great indeed. But feel silly now

I'm listening to a song in Japanese right now. Its cute and fun but I have no FUCKING CLUE what their saying . Its a bitch to sing along to...

Ok, I'm gonna go now, because I think I've run out of stuff to say... Thanks for reading todays blog, comments are very welcome (read: get off your tushy and bloody well WRITE something nice to me- I don't do this for my health, you know! I'm a Narcissist and I need feedback. Ok? Please? Pretty please? With sugar? And chocolate fudge sauce? And cream? And some nuts? And a nice fat bribe? )

Now, remember what your Aunty Tiger5 said, when it comes to the bedroom: kink is a feather, fetish is the whole chicken...

Take my advice: You can teach an old dogs new tricks, but nothing makes brussel sprouts taste better...

Smiley faces and love hearts,
Tiger5

Big hugs to Frenchy
Hullo to all my blog pals: Bogie dearest, Ianthorpe and swillw!

Hullo all!
Back again for another stirring edition of What the Hell. Not that anything dramatic has happened.
I am sick. My throat is almost constricted bloody shut, meaning eating anything more solid than trifle or ice cream is out. I've got stuff for it now but it tastes like cough syrup's evil twin brother. I'm sure its actually poison created to dull my razor wit and make me talk about strange and unnatural things constantly... Oh.Yeah.Never mind...
Since no-one seems particularly interested/excited about my Knife naming competition, I will hereby forget about the whole goddamn thing. I'll just name it Darling and be done with it...
I have invested in a fifteen dolalr coat and a ten dollar pair of sunglasses(for those who talk in pounds this is pretty cheap in australia, really) which make me look all interlecual and cool. Being that I just spelt interllectual wrong back there then we can all assume that my new accessorys are lying.
Talking to people on this new site called OkCupid. Its dumb but I like it. Plenty of fun to be had, no harm ,no fowl(yeah, no chicken. God, why can't I spell?!?!). Except this one guy today said some really freaky shit... and now I'm scared and I'm gonna block him because no-one should say that unless they have license for it and rubber gloves... ewwwww.
Ok, dinner time for me, so I'l come back to chat later when things liven up again...
Remember your umbereller!!!
Wear clean socks!
Hugs from Tiger5

Hey everybody!!!
I know, I know, its been ages since I’ve written anything of particular note here. And I bet you were just so lost without me...Right????? I had four assignments due today so all writing was forbidden unless it would eventually be attached to a cover sheet and marked out of 100.
Anyway, let’s see what’s been happening...
Finally finished all my assignments for this semester! Woo hoo!!!! VERY HAPPY! Exams next. Booo. Hiss. In that order.
Apparently I am not the only person who ends up with Mr M after drinking a tiny bit too much... Viola(my re-named roomy) wound up with him last night! That guy is evil, and I’ve come to the conclusion that if he makes a regular habit of getting girls drunk so he can feel them up then he is not only a pathetic tosser but he is also a raging man-whore. Ha. Take that.
Jay and I spent most of last night making out to his familiar “We’re still just friends, right?” tune. You know what? What the hell. Its fun to have a bit of an outlet for my back-logged teenage hormones without actually having to commit to a relationship...ugh.
I had waffles for dinner. Just thought I’d mention it.
In love with Keith Urban music. Country singer, sorry. Driving everyone in my block crazy with it probably, but hey, they were already there if you ask me... or the rest of the uni for that matter.
I want everyone to send their best wishes to my besty Frenchy who was ill all weekend... poor girl. But she’s not dead or terminally ill so I’m happy about that! Obviously...
Oliver called me this week... not so good since I was hanging out with my friend Wolf(actual last name!) at the time and he’s cynical about relationships... and cute. But is also celibate...hmmmm. Weird. Anyway, Oliver’s doing good, has an ok job chef-ing at the RSL and gets drunk far too often. Also joined a gym. Which is fine and dandy, except that the Membership cost him $700!!! Fuck that! I’ll just be fat and spend all my money on food... I asked him if he’d met any girls and he said not. He asked me if I’d met any guys and I said no. You smell something burning? Oh, yeah , right: my pants are on fire. He then asked why. Why? I asked why he thought I would. He replied ‘because’. I said was this ‘because’ because I was a raging slut? He didn’t say anything. Arg. Got a bit mad.
Anyway. Whilst hanging out with Wolf, Bull came into the uni kiosk and sat with us. While he was away getting lunch I told Wolf how much Bull dislikes me. He said to say, next time Bull says he hates me, “Is it because I’m black?” Being that I’m not this is kind of funny. When I said it Bull, however, did not think it so humorous. His cute girl who is a friend thought so though. I think she guessed that I liked him. Ooops...
I feel like doing a little recreational drinking but as I am really tired right now from assignmenting it is probably not the best idea. Plus bad stuff happens when I’m drunk and I don’t really have the money for expensive and/or cheap liquor. I’ll just do some on-line quizzes and go to bed early. Boring, yes. But cheap and there is almost NO possibility that I will finish the night off with a stranger sharing my pretty yellow pillow. That’s a major bonus.
Talking about sharing pretty yellow pillows, I have decided that i am not good at sharing bed space in a single bed. Jay slept over (insert protestations that we didn’t do anything he would have had to marry me for in the 17 century *here*) and I found it immensely cramped ... And I’ve shared that bed with a 6ft 2 guy before! Jay is thinner and only slightly, by a hair , taller than me. What’s up with that? Hmmm again.
Well, that’s about all I can remember about my week. I am pretty tired so maybe I just can’t remember the really interesting stuff. Or maybe, and closer to truth, there wasn’t any really interesting stuff. Or maybe aliens took it! Or maybe not.
Anyway, I’ll talk to you again sometime soon: hopefully when I have built up some stuff to say...
Until then, remember to lie back and think of England...
Sex on TV CAN’T hurt you ... unless you fall off.

Best wishes for youth, happiness. And if that fails: chocolate.

Tiger5 alone (Bull broke the yo-yo, hence the title of this blog)

Why do I do tests? PLEASE tell me...

You scored 10% Evilness,70% Horniness, 50% Intelligence, and 35% Fitness !
You may be fat, dumb, and horny, but you have a good heart and things tend to work out for you in the end. Your zany adventures drive your family crazy and/or nearly get them killed on a regular basis. Laughter follows you wherever you go, but remember, they're laughing at you, not with you.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than the average of 6% on Evilness

You scored higher than the average of 86% on Horniness

You scored higher than the average of 13% on Intelligence

You scored higher than the average of 22% on Fitness

Hmmmmmm, why do I NOT like this test? Compared to most girls my age I am apperntly, according to the same site, more HORNY?????? WHAT!?!?! Oh my god... shoot me now, or diasable my internet so I cant do these tests...
BUT ON THE BRIGHTER SIDE!!! I have finally gotten proof that I am not as slutty as I feel some times...
ARE YOU A SLUT TEST

Pretty pure!
You scored 12% sluttiness!
Even if you've been with a few people, you have the right morals and motivations when it comes to sexual encounters - you won't just fuck anyone for the sake of it or risk everything just for some fun. Good for you!

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 21% on sluttiness

Now, come on, gen into the spirit of the knife naming competition... I don't want to name it myself. Boring. It'd end up named Katie or something...